Founder’s Website Message No.10 Dated 25-08-2015


Dear Clients !

As a person who has been in the Matrimonial service for over 25 Years, I thought of sharing my views on the present scenario of Wedding celebration causing lot of burdens on the Bride side.

Marriage is a Glorious Occasion worth celebrating Nicely. It is a Happy Get-together of close relatives and Friends ! But of late I find enormous amount is being spent or rather wasted in the process. While there is no problem for Rich people & those having Black Money, it has become a customary practice for others also to follow the practice, whether they have adequate resources or not mainly as a matter of Prestige!

In the process, Parents of Brides in many cases are forced to exhaust all their savings and even borrow from Relatives & Friends in their anxiety to get a well -placed Groom for their beloved Daughter/s.

In some cases, it is horrible and pitiable that Brides have to postpone their Marriages for quite some years mainly for earning & saving money to meet the huge Expenses for Marriages which is quite horrible. (Meantime, the delay may lead to Inter-Caste Marriage also). In a few cases, for want of Finance, Marriage itself becomes a Dream and never takes place at all.

Every wedding on an average cost a Minimum of 10 to 15 Lakhs including Mandapam, Catering, Textiles & Jewelleries etc. Fortunately in our Community Dowry system has almost vanished and parents of Grooms are not demanding as they did in the past. Still they make one major Demand, that Marriage must be performed in a Decent Manner by the Bride Side ! Here only the problem arises !

I really do not understand the logic behind this demand. Marriage is for uniting a Bride and Groom and the Function must be joint celebration to be organized and conducted by both parties together. That being so, I feel it is totally unfair to make the bride side alone responsible for bearing the huge expenses involved. In fact they already spend a lot of money in bringing up their daughter and educating them. Further, after the marriage, they almost lose their daughter’s Physical and Financial support as well ! In this background I suggest the level of celebration and Budget can be discussed by both parties together and shared equally as a matter of principle. Alternatively, we can leave it to the Bride side for performing the function in a simple manner as per their capacity and wish. If need be a separate Reception can be arranged by the Grooms side. I understand the system of sharing expenses is already being followed by some communities. In some others, even the entire expenses are borne by the Groom side itself. Hence let us ponder over the matter seriously and initiate the process for change !

Further irrespective of the status, I feel it is high time for us to decide to celebrate the Function in a simple but organized manner by avoiding all wastages and lavish spending. Some of my suggestions are:

  1. Weddings can be performed in a single day or maximum of 2 days.
  2. Number of Invitees can be restricted to very close Relatives and Friends (Instead of Distributing invitations like Bit Notice!) List of VVIPs can also be restricted.
  3. Lunch and Dinner can be simple but nice with limited items instead of dumping with too many sweets and snacks.
  4. Expenses on Textiles, Costly Silk Sarees, over Decoration, Return Gifts, costly invitations etc., can be avoided.
  5. Nichayathartham also can be performed in a very simple manner.

The list goes on!

Performance of sacred Vedic Rituals carry special significance and it has to be followed with full Belief as per Tradition and practice. There cannot be any compromise on that! (But unfortunately in many cases it is being done as a show or formality without any conviction or understanding!) However unwarranted Formalities in the name of ‘Sampradhyams’ can be avoided !

On the one side we have Brides who will be too happy to get married in a very simple manner without Taxing their Parents. (or as a matter of Principle!). On the other side, in spite of their good status, many Grooms may be willing to accept such simple Marriage in Deserving cases with open mind. To make a Bridge between the Two sides, we have decided to enlist the Regn. Number of such Grooms who are prepared to accept simple Marriage or willing to share the Marriage Expenses.

While listing of such Regn. Numbers & Names will be done separately for ready reference, Profiles will continue to appear in the usual order as it is. Based on the list, it will be easy for Brides’ side to contact such alliances without embarrassments. Those Grooms who are interested in projecting their Regn. Number and Name in the Special List Titled “List of Grooms Willing For Simple Marriage or Sharing of Expenses” are Welcome to send their concurrence accordingly to us by E-mail or Phone. We do hope this will lead to finalization of many more Marriages at the earliest besides giving a big relief for the parents of Brides.

I shall be Happy if wastages are avoided and the amount saved is Donated to deserving Charitable Trusts or kept in Fixed Deposit in Bride’s-Name for future Expenses.

I once again appeal to you to come forward for changing the practice of fixing the responsibility for the conduct of Marriage by the Bride Side. Let us feel pride in sharing ! Let us give pleasure to the bride side instead of pressure ! Let us start communicating the message to others too, so that it becomes a new movement in Brahmin Weddings! I hope you can and you will !

Of course, Things can be can be decided on case to case basis also !

Lastly I would also like to make an appeal to the Bride Side not to be unreasonable or over ambitious in your approach while choosing the alliances. Apart from Qualification and Income Kindly give due importance for Family Background, Heritage, Qualities, Character etc. Further Be always more courteous in your approach and more prompt in conveying your decision as to ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ without keeping the matter in suspense. If more time is required for deciding, Do inform the parties accordingly.

With Best Wishes & Kind Regards

N. PANCHAPAKESAN, Founder, Chennai Sai Sankara Matrimonials
Cell : 98403 30531

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