Handling of Alliance Matters !
Appeal For Prompt Reply !
Time & again we have been stressing on the need for ensuring prompt reply to other parties evincing interest in your alliance. But unfortunately most of our clients still fail to do so! As per our Experience, such complaints are more from Grooms side rather than the Brides side!
There is a growing perception among the Grooms Side that Brides parents are highly indifferent & Discourteous. This is because many of them invariably are not getting any response in spite of their repeated reminders. In the process they get absolutely vexed & feel there is no point in pursuing further with any alliance at all. It is possible that Brides Side people also might be undergoing similar Bad experiences. I think it is high time for us to ponder over and rectify ourselves if we are at Fault.
In this connection, we also furnish certain suggestions in Handling the Alliance Matters!
1. Gone are the Days where we used to Exchange Horoscopes in person or by post in the Traditional Format. Thanks to websites, the job is now made very easy through Exchange of ID Numbers. Based on the projection of your profile in the website, you may get enquiries over phone or SMS or at times through E-mail Too. Similarly you may also be initiating the process also! As and when you get such enquiries, you simply ascertain the Basic Details such as ID Number, Name of the Bride/Groom, Contact Number, Contact person, relationship etc. and note it down neatly in a separate Register kept for the purpose, along with Date, telling them “we will come back to you shortly after seeing the profile”
2. Look at the profile in the website on the same day or at the earliest. If you feel the Profile is not matching with your requirement at all, including the photo, you need not even take a print out. Simply inform them over phone or by SMS stating “We Thank you for your interest in our Alliance but unable to proceed further, as it is not matching with our Expectations!” Best Wishes….. (Mention your name) Simultaneously make a noting in the Register also kept for the purpose.
3. While rejecting any alliances you need not mention any specific reason like photo not impressive, Groom is short, Bride looks fatty, we need only very fair complexion, you are not having assets, we prefer higher status etc, which may not only hurt the other parties but also lead to unwarranted comments & arguments.
4. Even when you say Horoscope is not matching, the other side may ask Why, How, Who is your Astrologer etc. The same Astrologer might have even okayed the same Horoscopes to them at Times! Hence Better not to say this reason also, unless you want to seek this as an Excuse for Escape route! (Which is adhered too very often by many!)
5. Where you need more time for Decision making, including Horoscope Matching etc, you may inform them accordingly and tell them approximate Time by which you will come back and then keep up the Time Frame without fail.
6. If you need some more vital data before proceeding further, there is no harm in seeking the same over phone or E-mail, but avoid being blunt like “whether Income is Gross or Net,” “What is the property worth?” “Whether parents will continue to stay with son, if so how long?” etc. Similarly if Bride is not having a Brother, “What the parents propose to do in later part of life!” and so on which will be highly irritating to others!
7. Better to seek such information if need be, Tactfully in person by way of conversation instead of over phone so that many misunderstandings can be avoided. For instance you can say, “My Daughter is very brilliant in Academics and she is a Gold Medalist”. Then Grooms side will respond saying my son is also equally Good in Academics. Likewise you may say “My son is a Teetotaler and carries high values for our culture and is doing Sandyavandanam also” for which the Brides side will reply “My Daughter is also very much interested in our Traditions and knows various slokas Too” … or you can say “By God’s grace we are well off and are living in our own house at T.Nagar” and Grooms side will respond saying “we also have Two Flats out of which one is in Grooms name” or “not having properties but intend buying shortly” and so on. The idea is, once you reveal something about you, the conversation will also continue in similar line and you can elicit maximum information (Technique of Give & Get)
8. To avoid confusions It is always better to delegate or centralise the matter of communication to one person in the family. The person concerned must be good in communication besides having some Basic Knowledge of computer. (Normally the role is played by Mother only in most of the houses and nothing wrong in that if they are able to handle properly!)
9. Which are the details to be shared & in what stage is also very important! You need not disclose all information which may not be so relevant at the initial stage itself and thereby losing the focus on the main aspects. For instance if you mention “Girl’s younger sister is having minor polio” or “Elder brother has married Inter-caste” etc. focus will be on the nature of Disability or details of Inter-caste marriage rather than on the Bride. Suppression is Different! Conveying at appropriate stage is Different!
10. Proper Communication plays a vital role in our Life and more so in the case of settlement process of Alliances ! Let us never hurt others by our words or enter into any argument. Nothing wrong in being absolutely polite & courteous always!
11. People get their First impression about us only based on our initial communication which is very important. The Boy or Girl may be very nice but the way in which communication is handled very often decides the fate of the alliance! In arranged marriages, the communication is normally handled by parents only but in most cases they lack the skill due to age or other factors!
12. Nothing wrong for the Bride or Groom also to handle the matter wherever necessary. To avoid embarrassment, they can pose as a Relative Too! Ultimately, the Goal is to choose a proper alliance and get settled at the earliest.
13. In any case kindly make it a point to respond to others without keeping the matter in suspense! If you are not for proceeding seriously you better postpone the Registration or keep the profile deleted Temporarily to avoid unwarranted embarrassments!
14. Finally I make an appeal to parents not to repeat such complaints anymore! In case you do not get response, remind them once or twice and then leave the matter, treating their silence as rejection & proceed with further alliances with optimism! Probably it is the other party who may be the ultimate losers by ignoring your alliance!
15. Further while expressing interest, please make sure your biodata matches well with the expectations of other atleast to a major extent. For instance if the Girls salary expectation is Rs.1,00,000 p.m. and if the Boy is earning Rs.30,000/- only there is no point in contacting the alliance and expect a reply from them!
16. Last but not least, I also appeal to you to continue to retain the profile in our Website by prompt renewals irrespective of the Number of Responses and Attitudes of other parties without minding the cost involved! By cancelling the profiles out of Frustration you will only be losing even the remote possibility of fixation of alliance based on the projection. Apart from serving as a source of Advt, retention of profile also will enable you to quote your ID Number to others, thereby making the communication always easier!
17. Delay in Marriages especially for Grooms is a growing Trend and it is happening in other castes as well, due to mainly shortage of Brides! I can very well understand your anxiety in this regard! But instead of taking the matter to heart and lamenting over it, kindly continue to do what Best you can and leave the rest.
God knows when to give and what to Give and How to Give! It is always wiser to focus on what God has given to us rather than what has not been given. Timely Marriage is no doubt important, but it is not the only Thing or Everything in Life! An Event is always an Event, But how we take it will decide our peace of mind!
With Kind regards & Best Wishes.
N. PANCHAPAKESAN, Founder, Chennai Sai Sankara Matrimonials
Cell : 98403 30531
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