CONCEPT OF NICHAYATHARTHAM
Dear Clients
Of late, I find many marriage proposals are getting dropped after Nichayathartham causing lot of embarrassment to all concerned. Very Sad development Indeed! Why it is so? What can be done to ensure against such happenings? Let us ponder over!
One major reason is, we allow the Bride and Groom to exchange their views and expectations more freely only after Nichayathartham. Based on the additional data observations and experience one of them or both of them may feel that it is not worthwhile to proceed further and decide to cancel. This is followed by return of items exchanged during Nichayathartham and documenting the cancellation.
I recall the famous dialogue of Rajinikanth in the popular Movie ‘Shivaji’ where he says “Munna pinna theriatha Paiyanukku Ponnu Kodukka Mattengaranga! Nanga Pazhaga Thayaraga Irukkom, Anaal Pazhaga Vida Mattengaranga” followed by Solomon Papaiya saying ‘Vanga Nalla Pazhagunga…’ and so on! It is a good comedy which carries lot of food for thoughts as well!
Many of the Brides and Grooms nowadays are very much perplexed as to the desirability of marrying a person without adequate understanding. Fearing Failure, many are even hesitant to enter Family Life itself! At the same time parents are also in a dilemma as to how far they can permit the Girl or Boy to interact with each other taking into account the ‘risk factor’ also.
In the process, after getting satisfied with the alliance mainly based on Horoscope Matching? and basic interaction they do the Nichayathartham in a grand manner and give them Full green Signal for closer interactions. If everything goes on well there is no problem. But if it gets dropped it leads to lot of disappointment, embarrassment and Frustrations as well.
Since such cases are increasing day by day, let us now discuss about the Solutions in detail.
01) Perform Nichayathartham in a very simple Manner
First of all Nichayathartham Function itself is totally unwarranted and not envisaged at all in our Rituals. It is enough to do it on the Previous Day before the Wedding. In earlier days, it was performed in a very simple manner in the house itself by just exchange of Thamboolam as a token of agreement for Marriage and the promise once made was kept up by all concerned without fail.
But of late Nichayathartham Function is being celebrated like a Mini Marriage inviting hundreds of people from both sides. The expenditure which is borne by Groom Side crosses even lacs! It is utilized as an opportunity to display the Status and Popularity. Is it really necessary! Can we not avoid it! The larger the participation, the more may be the embarrassment, if the alliance does not materialize. Many of us are still penny wise and pound Foolish! We spend lavishly where not warranted and become highly calculative in certain Matters! (Like payment of Tariff for SSMatri or Service Charges For Flat!) Hence it is advisable to perform the function in a very Simple manner preferably in the house itself as in the past and avoid giving too much of publicity.
02) Sharing of Data
It is better to share all the vital data before the Nichayathartham itself. Apart from totally avoiding any False Information we must also ensure no important data is suppressed. For example a Groom may be owning a Flat worth Rs.50 lacs which is made known to the other party. If he has availed a Bank Loan with EMI Commitment of say Rs.30000/- pm, it is essential to give this information also.
Like wise adequate opportunity must be given to share detailed data relating to Likes, Dislikes, Beliefs, Culture, Priorities, Goals, Career Orientation, Future Mobility, Food and Other Habits, Expectations of Parents, Sharing of Bride’s Income, Possibility of Thanikuduthanam, Minor Disabilities, if any, Treatments undertaken etc., The list is endless! Brides and Grooms also must be tactful in sharing the data and avoid giving too much of data or unwarranted data leading to more confusions. (E.g. During my College days I had a Love Affair etc.,)
03) Budget For Marriage
Brides’ Parents must be clear as to what extent they can stretch themselves in meeting the Marriage Expenses and express their intention properly to the Groom Side in advance whether they ask for it or not. This will avoid unwarranted pressure and misunderstanding leading to cancellation. Groom Side also can express their expectation if any in a plain manner and avoid further demands.
04) Expression of Reasons for Stoppage
In many cases the parties may not come with Solid or Real Reasons for the stoppage. In one case recently the Brides’ Parties simply said that Bride is not having the Mood For Marriage! That’s all!
People some time put the blame on Sagunam or demise of a relative which may be a lame excuse. In a recent case the party said that their Guruji had not given the final clearance and nothing can be done without his consent (Oh God! Oh Guruji). In another case one party accused that they are not satisfied with the dominating and unreasonable approach of the other party. In another case the Girl felt the Boy is too miserly in his spending and so on. In any case instead of probing on the real reason, proceeding legally or quarrelling over the issue, it is better to say bye and proceed further for fresh alliance taking it as Fate! People are different! It is difficult to change others! But let us always ensure that we are never at Fault!
05) Processing Fresh Alliance
The event is bound to cause some embarrassment for both parties while going for New Alliance as to when and how to disclose the Cancellation. I suggest it can be done after Initial Matchings. In any case suppression of information has to be avoided. When we come across such alliances for our Bride/Groom it is but proper to discuss and deal with the matter with an open mind as the party concerned may not be at fault at all for the Failure. Further it may be a case of mismatch of wavelength between the earlier parties only!
We very much wish that Nichayathartham must be successfully followed by Wedding resulting in Happy Wedded Life. But unfortunately if the alliance gets cancelled, it is also welcome because it is far better than ending in Divorce later, which carries more stigma and complications.
Let us envisage and face such situations sportively and proceed positively remembering the Golden saying ‘Ellam Nanmaike!’ In any case since the cancellation leads to lot of embarrassment, it is better to ensure against such happenings by following the tips given above which I am sure may be of some help to you!
Needless to Say – “Prevention is Better Than Cure!”
Kindly acknowledge I welcome your Views and Feedback!
With Best Wishes & Kind Regards
N. PANCHAPAKESAN, Founder, Chennai Sai Sankara Matrimonials
Cell : 98403 30531
You are welcome to acknowledge and send us your Feedback to saipanch@gmail.com |